Fun fact; Whenever I hear the word sex, the first thing that comes to mind are the lyrics to “Let’s Talk About Sex” by Salt-N-Pepa. “Let’s talk about sex baby, let’s talk about you and me. Let’s talk about all the good things and the bad things that may be. Let’s talk about sex…”
When you hear “sex” what image or memory flashes in your mind? I remember flipping through my mum’s copy of ‘Every Woman’ about 20 years ago like I mentioned here. The illustrations in the book were noteworthy. I saw images of the vagina and what it really looked like-a part of the body (my body) with more parts as I could tell from the labels pointing to different areas. Being inquisitive, I flipped further and came to the page where I saw a naked man and woman touching each other in unusual positions. I read the first page of the chapter and I discovered that they were having sex and that was how babies were made. Wonderful!
My interest was aroused and I wanted to know more. Every now and then, I would “borrow” my mum’s book and I eventually finished the chapter. “Hmm” I thought to myself, “so this is what they (my mum and siblings) don’t want me to see on TV when they tell me to close my eyes or leave the sitting room when a man and woman start kissing each other…”
Time passed and about 2 years later, my dad opened a bookshop and library. I was ecstatic! Imagine having access to hundreds of books on different subject matters. I was in Heaven. Believe me when I say I swept through the romance section and SECRETLY read 95% of the books there. Puberty was taking its course and my hormones were raging-naturally. I felt different and my body was changing.
My friends at school had conversations about boys who had a thing for them and those that they fancied. When we heard words like kissing and ‘smushing‘, we would giggle and blush. Typical teenagers. Some who were bold enough went ahead to experiment on these things we saw on TV, read and talked about. The rest were too scared to try and kept their knowledge, curiosity and hormones to themselves.
Back then, we didn’t have quick access to the internet and Google wasn’t a thing like it is now. The closest form of social media we had was a website called ‘Hi-Five’ and ‘Yahoo Messenger’. We didn’t have mobile phones till we got to senior secondary school and airtime didn’t come so easily. There was a bit of sanity.
My parents never had “the talk” with me but I knew that sex was “forbidden” and a sort of “taboo”. We didn’t talk about it but I knew their stand on the subject from the way I was shielded from having access to some information and the teachings from God’s Word (Bible) and the church. My siblings always told me to “be careful” and I knew what they meant. Nobody came out straight to talk about sex with me till I was in my early 20s. LOL.
Times have changed and I fear for the new generation. The internet is at our fingertips and information moves faster than the speed of light. There are a million and one ways to connect with people all over the world and innumerable websites with more than enough information to share on sex. I sometimes imagine being a teenager in these times and it scares me.
With the emergence of the LGBTQ (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transsexual, Queer) community, the acceptance and normalization of things deemed to be abnormal, we need to start having conversations about sex with our children and younger ones around us. We should make ourselves accessible to them and be real, honest and transparent with the information that we share.
Sex is not evil. It is neither a taboo nor filth. We need to make them understand the consequences of sex and the importance of waiting for the right person, time and circumstances. This doesn’t guarantee anything but wouldn’t it make more sense if our younger ones have the courage to ask us those uncomfortable questions instead of seeking advice from their peers and the internet? It’s wild out there.
Humans are naturally inquisitive; that’s why we keep discovering and inventing things. No matter how much we try to shy away from talking about sex, the more we feed the curiosity of the younger generation. Just like excreting waste from our bodies, sex is also a natural phenomenon. Not talking about it doesn’t mean that it automatically becomes non-existent.
“Let’s talk about sex for now
To the people at home or in the crowd
It keeps coming up anyhow
Don’t be coy, avoid, or make void the topic
Cause that ain’t gonna stop it
Now we talk about sex on the radio and video shows
Many will know, anything goes
Let’s tell it how it is, and how it could be
How it was, and of course, how it should be”– Salt-N-Pepa
Did your parents have “the talk” with you? If they did, how old were you at the time? If they didn’t, who did? Or did you discover things by yourself? Do you feel shy or nervous when talking about sex? The comments section is open for discussions.
My parents never had the talk with me. I remember not seeing my period for 1 full month(due to hormonal changes) and my mum(God rest her soul) asked me if “I’ve seen man”. I was wondering what she meant then even if I was in my senior year in secondary school, the question was confusing😄😄. Don’t laugh, I was confused cos I didn’t have a bf at that time and didn’t want one. I was too innocent then sha. The only thing I knew was I just didn’t want to have a child outside wedlock, that was like a taboo in my days.
😂 “Seen man”. I wonder how they came up with those phrases. They just couldn’t have those conversations with us. I don’t really blame them because they didn’t also talk about sex with their parents back then. I’m happy that we know better now and will do right by our children. Thank you so much, Jnew.
Never had the talk with any of my parents. Boys talk and then stories of people influenced my choices.
As a teen, (@16), I joined a youth Christian group that laid all the matter bare and had deep conversations. These further influenced my choices.
But now, it has to start at home. Too many wolves are in these streets and on the internet.
Children need to be groomed on time
Yes o. Children need to be groomed on time. I’m glad you had a group in church that was transparent enough to have such conversations with you. Impressive. Thanks for sharing, Neo.
I never got “the talk” from either of my parents, i think its safe to say that our parents shy away from this which is not suppose to be. Its all in the growing and the same way they teach us what’s right from wrong, good from bad; this should also be something to be discussed in the house. It is notoriously wild out there with the internet at our fingertips and all. I would say it’s better to have “the talk” with my children when the time comes earlier than normal before they start hearing things and opinions from their peers and all. I would want it to be their sole decision and not because someone pressured, influenced or coerced their decision. Like you said, it doesn’t mean that having “the talk” guarantees anything but i would rather they hear it from me or better still i and my husband😊 without leaving them with any form of guilt. I would try as much as possible to be very transparent and receptive to this topic with them when the time comes.
Exactly. It’s better they hear it from you than to get the wrong information from other sources. I really pray that we get it right with our children when it’s time. Thanks a lot, Ava.
I think most parents in our time didn’t have the talk with their children, they threw caution to the wind with thoughts of he or she knows where she is coming from. All my mom(God rest her soul) ever told me was if a guy did touch me, I will be pregnant instantly😁 and this was after my first period. Most things I learnt were through curiousity.
😂 if a guy touches you, automatic pregnancy. That tale was common back then. Hmm…it’s like most of us learned through curiosity. Interesting. Thanks for sharing, Prettytailor.
My parents didn’t have the sex talk with me or even my siblings. I think this is also as a result of how their parents(our granny) parented. If our grannies did not have the talk with them, they didn’t feel the need to have the talk with us. But now we know better and have to do better with our own children. As the first child of my family, I had the talk with my siblings for starters, let everybody be guided.
No be small guided…😁
Yes, a case of not being able to give what they don’t have. I’m glad you had the talk with your siblings. They’ll thank you for it later. Thank you so much, Chidiebere.
Nope! My parents never had the talk and still haven’t spoken about it, perhaps they’re still acting like it doesn’t and are living in the denial that their baby girls have grown😂.
Well, i found out about sex and the female anatomy from my mum’s book too “Every woman” and even got more knowledge as i grew older. You’ve literally said it all.. Hmm.. the younger generation needs to be schooled ok sex and its consequences. This can never be over emphasized.. Everyone needs to be guided amidst having access to information thanks to Internet
Like, they just assume that you should know these things. 😂 na wa. Honestly, we really need to be guided and make efforts to do better. Thanks a lot, Dara.
Schooled on***
Interesting!
The talk is rare from my time. We got scolded not talked to. Thanks for sharing these thoughts.
Lol. I can relate to an extent. Thanks, B!
One of the reasons why I feel parents don’t talk about it is probably because of the forbidden shroud that covers the concept “sex”. Perhaps they fear that curiousity would lead to some sort of adventure or voyage which in most cases is true. There was no sex talk. My sisters would go as far as warning me that girls are dangerous and should be stayed away from them. I remember my girlfriend calling to tell me someone called her to leave her alone which had be my mom or my sister, or my dad telling me he wasn’t comfortable with female visitors and responding to him if he wanted me to be gay. He resounded a big God forbid and I smirked. Strict parents bringing up sneaky kids, which encapsulates in a James Bond stealth kind of lovemaking. In some cases, it is successful, pleasure acquired. In other some cases, pregnancy inquired. No advice of protection or contraception, the weirdest things were adopted- drinking salt and water (🤣🤣🤣 when teeth is not paining you), unusual concoctions, the Hanger 🤐, quack doctors. The valve of sexual control lost and thrown away.
Society too has not done so well, social media unrolling trends which are barely checked. In those days, you had to go the sites but now the sites have come to meet you in ads while you do assignments or tryna download a movie, or precise and concise movies compressed in 1-3 minuted are retweeted on the timeline. A horny society, where fetishes and kinks are normalized, sexualities pluralized, tl asleep 😴 and onlyfans prevalent . A society that’s relative, anything goes as long as it suits you. For the generation coming behind, it’s scary, vast access to the internet which begins from an early age. There’s an urgent need for a re-orientation in order to evade an impending doom. The happenings of rape has brought to the fore the necessity of consent even though sometimes the concept is armtwisted and barely understood. We are yet to normalize talking about sexual compatibility for intending couples. Water cannot help a fried fish, the necessary has to be done.
Super insightful. The ripple effects of the miscommunication are vast as you have rightly stated. It’s left for us to do better than the previous generation. I really appreciate this comment. Thanks Joey.
I learnt from school( secondary school).It was a convent schools of Rev.sisters and Nuns.
I am glad they did the teaching , though in shallow way which they felt was enough for our curious minds at that time.
My mum couldn’t talk about it not even at this my grandma age😂.
I guess it’s a thing of not giving what you don’t have. It was a taboo,it was not discussed in their time and they applied same to us.But now we know better.
Even till now? 😂 Wow. The nuns did well at least. True, you can’t give what you don’t have. Thanks for sharing.
My parent never talked about neither was my siblings . Don’t really remember how I got to know about it for the first time . But I knew it was something I shouldn’t be involved with cause it was evil and forbidden 😂 , and when you stay off it ,you will have a great future and be seen responsible.
I can imagine. Evil and forbidden😂 when it is not an evil forest. Thanks Chi!
Thanks Ogo for this interesting topic..
Growing up as a teenager; my parents or elders siblings never told me about sex, but I remember whenever they want to watch some romantic movie, they send me out. Sometimes out of curiosity, I will goto the window and try to peep until I hear a voice yelling at me to leave the window. Towards my senior secondary school days, I started learning about Sex from movies and books when my elder ones were not around. My first experience at 19 was awful that I told myself is this is Sex? I don’t want it, because I never knew how to and I was asking myself where is the fun they said that comes out of Sex… This was a mystery to me until my early twenties.
Hmm…we had similar experiences. The curiosity must set in. There’s no 2 ways about it. Thanks for sharing, Philip.
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